When I look at her, I see me. It’s like I am looking in a mirror, only better. She is more of a woman than I could ever be and she is not even 2.
She is beautiful.
She is confident.
She is tenacious.
She is determined.
She is loving.
She is fun and funny.
She is not concerned what people think of her.
She has her Dad’s heart in the palm of her little hand.
It’s funny because even though my Grandmother has told me that all I ever wanted to be was a Mom, I only remember not wanting to have children. The joke is that when Ruben and I met, he asked me how many kids I wanted to have and I told him, ZERO. Maybe I was selfish, maybe I was scared. What sort of parent I would be? Somehow, over time he got me to agree to having two kids, THEN and only then he proposed. He’s always said that he’d have as many kids as he could afford. Sorry baby, my max was three and when I found out I was pregnant with Ruby I cried for a month strait, no joke.
Sounds horrible, right?
I just didn’t think that I could do it. That I could have one more high-risk pregnancy, have one more infant, have one more child that NEEDED me.
But, I am so glad that I did. She makes me want to keep on going, to be a better person. We do things that the boy’s don’t really care about. We take walks and pick flowers, in fact she’ll look at me and do this little sniff thing and crunch up her nose (sniff, sniff) I know that she wants to go and smell the neighbors roses, lavender and rosemary so we go and sniff them, pick them and make little bouquets. She wears the flowers in her hair and walks around proudly showing them off.
You are going to do important things baby, I can tell. You are amazing.